From Suffering to Exploring Myself

I had to look through the five books comprising Astral Imperative series to find suitable material to post, and I found it hard to believe I wrote these books. They are well written and I created 52 characters to tell the story. It’s almost as if someone else wrote them because I’m not that sophisticated or that smart.

As a result, the muse remains a mystery to me, that remarkable energy that reveals itself when I write. And I’m thinking that it is the same energy that opened my mind up on a cold, college day in Oklahoma, when that energy raced up my spine and altered my consciousness, when I went from dumb to smart; from suffering myself to exploring myself and eventually winding up in India for a few years—searching.

And despite all of that, I remain the same jackass I was before: my personality never changed. I am likeable; I can be funny; and I can also over-bearing when I get too full of myself. Like I said, I’m not very sophisticated or very smart. In fact, I can pass for an idiot on any given day.

The muse is so strange.

In any event, I never thought I would find God in India, or my Guru. I was never that naive, though I did have several remarkable teachers. The journey was my Guru. And I suppose I did my best to incorporate the teachings into my life and hardly succeeded. I became good at taking care of sick and dying people—that’s it.

But I wanted so much more. I was so young and dumb, I thought I could experience the presence of God in my life—selfish bastard that I was, as if I can will God into my life, as so many (perhaps too many) religious people believe.

Duh: You don’t choose God; God chooses you. I also learned that. But it’s a God I cannot explain. It just seems to me that simply being here on Earth is a miracle; life is a miracle.

Meanwhile, we have the fat bastard president running around the country in the middle of a pandemic, making more people sick, imploring people to suffer the miracle rather then find a little joy in it.

And I’m trying to peddle a trip to Mars.

Seems like it might be one of the last things anyone would be interested in right now.

Then again, it may be the only thing left to humanity that can be binding: If we don’t expand soon, we will implode.

And it may be better to be in your house imagining a fantastic future as opposed to watching all this crazy shit come down on TV.